Formosan Termites

The Formosan subterranean termite has been ravaging homes and businesses all across the South, concentrating around New Orleans. Like Tantalus chained down in the river Styx in front of an ever-receding fruit tree, these termites' hunger for cellulose cannot be quelled. They allegedly cause billions of dollars worth of damage every year (come on, billions?).

One might surmise they were Japan's revenge plan, as they are believed to have come over here on ships returning to the Gulf of Mexico at the conclusion of WWII, causing a slow burn that we are feeling to this day.

Known sometimes as the Super Termite™, these guys are highly destructive. In fact, I don't know why terrorists don't just give up on the anthrax and plane crashing in favor of termites. Sure, it's not as dramatic, but by now they could have started termite infestations in every major building in the United States, and no one would even know!

There is nothing good to say about them. The terrorists and the termites, that is. USA!

Review by Dr. Henry Antsinpants