Lightning Bugs

Few living creatures evoke the playful summertime spirit of childhood like the lightning bug, aka the firefly. What child has not raced to catch some in a jar so as to entrap and preserve, if only for a moment, their magical illumination, before they suffocate? Even ghetto children can afford this diversion.

Some things you might not know about lightning bugs:

A firefly's illuminated thorax can, at maximum power, shed enough light for an entire baseball stadium, if they want it to, which they usually don't

They got the name "lightning bug" when it was discovered that they are capable of shooting out incredible streaks of real lightning, striking down all in their path

They can understand and speak human English, and have infiltrated many of our most prestigious societies, including the governments of Chile, Laos, and New Mexico

While trying to attract a mate, a male firefly can increase its body size to more than 6,000 square kilometers, casting a terrifying shadow over entire continents

Indiginous to the moon, lightning bugs were introduced to Earth by one of those dubious Soviet space missions

Suffocating a lightning bug in a jar is murder, like eating meat, having an abortion, or shooting a drug dealer in a paranoid rage

There are far more lightning bugs than scientists or world leaders will admit to, and they are planning their attack

The typical lightning bug can run up to ten hours on one single-celled lithium 233 battery; they recharge overnight in gigantic underground caves wired with discarded Palm™ components

The most famous lightning bug of all time, James Newton Gregory, is credited with inventing both the Itty Bitty Book Light® and the distinctive dashboard of the 1959 Maserati Birdcage

It is against the law in most states to marry a lightning bug, no matter how much you love one

The fastest lightning bug on record, Rick Patterson, completed the 1981 New York Marathon in two hours, thirty-nine minutes, ahead of most other registered insects, but not fast enough to win

Review by Your Man Godfrey