Buckeley's 2002 Chardonnay

Sweet, smooth, tasty white wine from Australia, with silhouetted kangaroos right on the label. No sharpness, acidity, or vinegary taste to speak of – in fact, it tastes much more like a good melon-guava smoothie than a typical wine, fortunately minus the pulp.

Australia is better known for shiraz, but this chardonnay is totally satisfying, and it's only $10. A good choice if you wish to appear like a wine connoisseur but actually just don't want to spend much on a bottle of wine, since your real aim is to simply get drunk and try to forget about the nude photos of your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend that you found in her diary.

Well, you have to admit you were asking for it, reading her diary! But it will take a whole lot more Buckeley's to blot out the entry where she describes you as "Napoleonic, both in misguided, unjustified ego and deeply disappointing, microscopic penis size."

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Jo Jo Wassaman