Jones Soda Co. Bugjuice

A little while ago I was visiting with LBOZ writer La Fée and asked if I could try the Jones Bugjuice in the refrigerator. La Fée angrily refused this request because the drink was being saved for review.

15 months later, I received the very same bottle I had originally asked for. Now I don't think it's appropriate to mix dirty laundry in with business, but I think someone has to try and do something about La Fée's rampant alcoholism, which has gotten in the way of more reviews and Loud Bassoon features than I can count. It was always easier just to overlook the problem, but as his reviews became less and less coherent, he became more and more frustrated with his writing, and when I came over to find him beating the neighbor's children, that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Someone has to take a stand, and as painful as it is to hear it, La Fée, you really need to take a good, long look in the mirror. It's not going to be like this anymore. No more Sunday afternoons watching Premier League soccer on pay-per-view while slugging down pint after pint of Guinness, no more drunken song-and-dance numbers on the piano in the living room, no more busting through screen doors when you're upset about the dog defecating in the backyard.

I'm pouring all your gin down the drain and making sure you stay off of it. I'm going to pay your tabs at the tavern. I was appalled to discover your pay stubs from there – have you stooped so low that you're washing dishes to pay off your debt? It all has to stop, and the Loud Bassoon (not to mention poor Scotty and David next door) are going to be much better off for it.

For a change of pace, I'd suggest Jones Bugjuice, but I don't think it's good enough to turn someone like you into a teetotaler (I hate that word, incidentally). Although I appreciate the name of the beverage (back in the 70s and 80s we used to call Hi-C Citrus, and subsequently Ecto Cooler, "Bug Juice"), this sort of flavor is not appropriate for a carbonated drink.

To give the beverage a fair shot, I should have eaten it with a bowl of Spaghetti-O's, but I wasn't thinking. I don't like how the cap doesn't screw back on once you open it, because I like to put the cap back on my drinks after I sip from them. I never know what is going to fall into my drink, so having the cap on the top helps keep things out.

The label has a kid with a guitar, and it says "The Candyskins," but I don't know what that means. It's probably some reference. I don't know.

I don't want to have to buy 300 bottles of a drink that's not even that great so I can have the whole collection of specialty labels. I don't have a jones for a Jones anyway. I'd much prefer an ice-cold beer.

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Review by Professor Hydro