Korbel California Champagne – Extra Dry

The reason a lot of people say they don't like champagne is because they've only had shitswill like Korbel. It's cheap, and it tastes so. Harsh, bitter, and rancid, it can only be sipped gingerly, like a complete pussy, else your gag reflex kicks in immediately. Plus, it gives you a headache right away, which might be a benefit if your favorite part of drinking alcohol is the hangover, and you just can't wait to get to that.

Now, sometimes you find yourself in a ghetto convenience store long after any respectable liquor store has closed, and you need another bottle of champagne, and you just aren't going to find ol' Dom hanging around there. In this event, Korbel will do the trick, but it will also remind you that sometimes you should just go home and go to bed, already.

I always smile when I see a couple who clearly do not drink often at a liquor store trying to select a bottle of champagne for whatever lame get-together they are hosting. Invariably, they go with the Korbel, because it sounds like it's the Starbucks of champagne, and it's inexpensive. Fucking fools. Incidentally, what is the Starbucks of champagne? Because I want to start frequenting it.

Review by Mr. Wiggle-It