Mountain Dew Liberty Brew

When you first start poppin' the top on your first U.S.-certified Mountain Dew Liberty Brew, you might be thinkin' … just what does "50 Flavors In One" taste like anyway?

Well, man, here's what it tastes like. It tastes like your first American baseball game. Your first American tit. Your first Armenian-American.

It tastes like rolling down the hill in an ersatz barrel at your dad's boozy company 4th of July picnic. It tastes like bein' crowned Mayor atop the corniest float in the 4th of July Mayoral parade.

It tastes like the first time you ran your bayonet through the big black heart of a goddamn redcoat. The first time you finger-fucked Osama Bin Laden's [REDACTED] daughter. The first time you ran your bayonet through Saddam Hussein's yummy tummy as he wailed like a [REDACTED] inside his fuckin' hidey-hole.

Liberty Brew tastes like blue jeans, bobby socks, cheeseburgers, and freedom. It tastes like you, me, and all our American brothers who came in through Ellis Island and chased their American dreams straight up Lady Liberty's generously draped labiae.

Plain and simple, Liberty Brew tastes like America. The band and the fuckin' country.

And in terms of the actual flavor … ehh, more or less just blue Flav-R-Ice.

Review by Pumboo Dongo-Dohnoh