Pepsi is so clearly better than R.C. that I don't even know why people bother to argue about it. R.C. leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But Pepsi makes me feel as if Jesus Christ Himself has expelled His holy seed all over my tongue, then made me return it to Him in a passionate French kiss. That beautiful man.

I'll never understand those who say that Pepsi is too sweet. I've seen you all eat birthday cake. Is that not sweet? It's much sweeter than Pepsi. At my next birthday party, I'll invite you all, and I'll serve cake and Pepsi. If you eat the cake but don't drink the Pepsi, I'll eject you from the party.

If people don't enjoy Pepsi, that's fine. It means more for me and my Lord.

Review by Professor Hydro