Red Stripe Jamaican Lager

Though it's probably the Jamaican equivalent of Budweiser, Red Stripe is a full-on marvel of a beer, and anyway, I'm not sure I'd want to check out too many local brews in Kingston – if the quality control on beer is anything like it is on recorded music down there, I'll stick with the major labels.

Deep, tasty, smooth, and mellow, kinda light but without being too pansy about it, Red Stripe simply satisfies, like a good Jamaican hooker – yea, like the good Jamaican hooker my dear mother was. It also comes in the most appealing bottle of any beer: a sort of Mason-jar-type thing that is as cute as it is cool.

It delivers a good, simple, clean buzz without strongarming you into submission or distending yer belly. Points taken away for the potential abuse by hipsters who might want to drink it at a White Stripes show in some misguided attempt to be clever.

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by The Pumper