 Godzilla (1998) Matthew Broderick co-stars as a scientist nicknamed "the worm guy," who specializes in mutations caused by radiation. Big summer movies always seem to come up with specialists in the exact discipline that will justify whatever silliness is about to ensue. Some day we will learn that there are such things as "forensic genealogists" and "philosopher botanists," as they run out of obscure disciplines for their protagonists. Broderick is a very stylish worm guy, and I admired his cool black glasses used to signify intelligence in movies. Although his glasses are wet throughout the movie, they never dealt with the embarrassment and difficulty of walking around with wet glasses. This, I believe, is Godzilla's greatest mistake. The human cast contains cool Jean Reno as an insurance investigator, cool Hank Azaria as a TV cameraman, and so-uncool-he's-cool Harry Shearer as a network anchor. The one cast member I won't mention is the ungodly Maria Pitillo, an admin who wants to be a journalist. I hated her from the minute she appeared, whining about this and that, and acting like an all-around B-word. We were supposed to like her because she's an underdog of sorts, but with her tight blond perm and sit-com tears she is clearly a very big and annoying B-word, and a REALLY bad actress. Her reaction to seeing the 200 foot-tall monster looming over her is about the same as how you or I would react to the guy at Taco Bell telling us they're out of Burrito Supremes. The nonexistent story is pretty obvious from the trailer. Godzilla appears in NY for whatever reasons, and everyone spends the rest of the movie either running from or chasing him, sometimes both at the same time. Thankfully, large portions of the nearly 2½-hour film are devoted to mayhem, but far too much time is devoted to the characters. Actually, at this point it's insulting to even bother with characters. We don't care whether Ferris and B-word get together, in fact we were all cheering for B-word to get stomped or eaten. Her survival is Godzilla's greatest mistake. Godzilla, if you didn't already know from the previews, is able to reproduce asexually, but no one believes it when Broderick tells them to look for the nest. I think it would have been a lot better if Godzilla had to have sex. Imagine two giant lizard monsters engaged in hot lizard sex, rolling around the streets of Manhattan. And where's Baby Godzilla, bouncing up and down and making everyone laugh? Not having this scene is Godzilla's greatest mistake. If you, like me, recall a time when bored and lonely Saturday afternoons were filled with old Godzilla movies on channel 32, you are probably in therapy like me. Therapy is OK, just keep telling yourself that. No one is going to tease you anymore. My personal favorite oldie is Godzilla vs. Monster Zero (a.k.a. Astro-Monster), in which a team of American astronauts travel to Planet X, where a mad Japanese man has created a race of hot Japanese robot chicks in a bid to take over Planet Earth. Godzilla and the evil, many-headed Monster Zero duke it out in a giant crater to decide the fate of the universe. It's a combination of professional wrestling, vaudeville comedy and Cold War paranoia mixed with a dash of tragic sci-fi romance. Godzilla '98 is more like a big fat spoiled baby knocking over his brother's blocks. Intent on destruction at any price, the big fat baby forgets to enjoy itself. This, clearly, is Godzilla's greatest mistake.
Review by Crimedog |