 House of the Dead (2003) And that's what is so maddening; this movie is clearly a train wreck. It completely lacks in every possible area: dialogue, plot, character development, special effects, realism, sound; you name it, it's not there. But that matches precisely with what a typical video game is all about. Especially the particular franchise this movie is based off: an arcade shooter where you destroy all sorts of vile undead creatures with light guns. Where do I even start? The movie begins with a voiceover introducing the main characters and their relation to each other, contrasting with the deleted scene that reveals these details in bona fide conversation between them. They are gathered to head out to the rave to end all raves, taking place on the mysterious Isla del Morte, only to discover they've arrived too late. Enter Jürgen Prochnow as a tough-guy boat captain, who offers to take the kids out there, for a price, of course (and big points for a line slyly referencing his role as the captain in Das Boot). As you might expect, they arrive at the island to find the rave deserted, and soon enough, teenage sexuality sets in. At this point, you may think this movie is going to follow the template of any old horror film. This is where you would be fabulously wrong. The first sign of this movie's cinematic nerve is a frenetic transition showing actual footage from the video game. And it only builds from there, with the most brilliant moment being a mind-blowing 12-minute combat sequence featuring everything from bullet-time rotating cameras used in ways you have never conceived, to one of the protagonists getting her legs hacked off in a ghastly bloodletting. I guarantee your jaw will be on the floor by the end of this scene. The movie continues at a rapid pace, enthralling all the while. Anything you have previously taken for granted about cinema is forcefully tossed out the window. And when it's all done, you can add even more to the experience by listening to the director commentary by Uwe Boll in his thick German accent. He justifies everything in the movie, yet fully appreciates the absurdity of the entire production. The best part is, in the middle of his commentary, his cell phone goes off. He answers it, and who is on the other end? None other than Christian Slater, who is the star of Boll's next feature presentation Alone in the Dark, another film based off a video game horror series. I have high hopes for that one, but to conceive of anything surpassing House of the Dead is difficult to do. I'm truly at a loss to assign an appropriate rating to this film. It's not good enough for any L'il Puppies, not bad enough for a Shit Blow, yet more accessible than a Blank Stare. House of the Dead treads the finest of lines between genius and insanity, and for that I have no choice but to award it Five Gun-Wielding Chimps.
Review by Jean-Yves Montpellier |
