 I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) I Know fails on all counts to be scary, unpredictable, and interesting. It does, however, succeed in presenting us with the bounteous cleavage of both Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Sarah Michelle Gellar (playing Helen Shivers!). I would like to vote for Gellar as "Teenager with the Most Grandmotherly Bosom in Hollywood." Love-Hewitt has a more streamlined appearance, and her breasts appear young and perky. Alas, gone are the days of moronically wonderful teen horror flicks such as April Fool's Day in which you were guaranteed that at least one of the chicks was a raging nympho and would have wild naked sex at least twice before being impaled on the broken bedpost in a gruesome but lyrical (?) death. I don't know if that really happened in April Fool's Day, it's been a while, but I do remember the sex scenes, which should tell you something either about horror in general or my own strange fixations.
Horror films rarely make any sense, but I Know suffers from trying too hard to make sense, to justify the violence and give some kind of emotional angst to its characters. I don't care if these people feel bad about what they've done, and I don't believe a killer would wait a whole year before hunting down his prey, I just wanna see them running and screaming, having unprotected virgin sex and getting their limbs whacked off by various garden utensils. With the exception of Love-Hewitt, who is engaging and sympathetic despite being terminally stupid, the performances are terrible. Everyone tries way too hard to be hip and alternative and "whatever," but it predictably doesn't work. Credit Anne Heche for delivering an interesting but pointless cameo. Scream was the equivalent of your most brilliant 3am caffeine-fueled college essay. Somehow the formula of sex-starved drunken teenagers and crazed, knife-wielding madmen worked, mostly because the filmmakers gave the characters a sense of humor and an encyclopedic and jaded understanding of the conventions of slasher films. But it also had pacing, energy and wit, and wasn't afraid to poke fun at itself. And don't forget the interesting supporting performances, especially David Arquette and Jamie Kennedy. Scream 2 was the equivalent of the 5AM caffeine and sugar downswing essay, in which energy is flagging and ideas are fuzzy and unsatisfying. Plus they made the huge mistake of killing off a favorite character. I Know What You Did Last Summer is the equivalent of the 8am "please let me just write seven pages before I begin vomiting" essay that's due at noon. It's a barely passable rental with only one good killing, an annoying soundtrack and way too much dead space between murders. The sequel is called I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, possibly the longest stupidest movie title ever thunk. Whatever. If you're in the mood for a good slasher pic, skip I Know and just see April Fool's Day again.
Review by Crimedog |