the loud bassoon guide to cinema: xXx

xXx (2002)
Directed by Rob Cohen
Written by Rich Wilkes

A preposterous video game of a movie, seemingly written by and for 14-year old boys, xXx wants you to forget all about James Bond. And it will do everything in its power to help you with that: It will show you cool guns, "sexy girls," wicked cars, villains you love to loathe, and TONS of "extreme sports"-type tricks (snowboarding, skateboarding, skydiving, etc). Does it kick James Bond out and firmly plant Xander Cage in your brain? Depends on your age, I think.

The movie is good fluff, but it's overlong by 30 minutes, and that 30 minutes is where things get annoying. The whole "one man taking on the world" conceit is pretty tired, and certainly someone as goofy as Vin Diesel is not the man for that job, really. It's a rare movie that makes me nostalgic for Rambo.

There's a deleted scene on the DVD wherein Diesel discusses his predicament with a 14-year-old boy under the pretext that they are discussing a video game. It's extremely awkward.

And you know what, will someone tell Samuel L. Jackson to take a few years off? It's to the point where if I see him crop up in a movie, I immediately roll my eyes.

Review by Zora Lee Peehairs