Inadvertent Fart Stories
by Loud Bassoon writers

It's not tasteful to talk about farts. Yet it's something we all must deal with. Everyone has their fart stories; the ones about inadvertent farts are our favorites. Here are some true-life accounts straight from the mouths of some unintentional fartistes and fartees.

"When I was in third grade, a few of us got back into the classroom early from recess. We sat down on the floor and I accidentally farted. Everyone looked at me and I claimed there was a balloon in my pocket. They didn't believe me."

"On the bus ride back from the seventh grade trip to Springfield, I had an unbearable attack of gas. I farted and farted until it was noticeably malodorous throughout the bus. Soon it was all anyone could talk about. It got to the point where a teacher came up to me and told me to stop farting. I told her I couldn't control it."

"A few years ago, my friends and I saw two different movies, and mine got done first. I was standing in the nearly-empty hallway outside the theater, and three or four teenagers were standing about 15 feet away. I had to fart, and figured I could get it out subtlely, as is my way. It didn't go as planned, as the sound of a trombone suddenly rumbled from my britches, and everyone turned to see what was the matter. All I could do was turn to to them, smile, and slowly sidestep into the bathroom, where I sat in the stall for 15 minutes waiting for them to leave."

"Once, as a high school freshman, I accidentally let rip a ridiculously huge fart in the middle of a quiet English class. Predictably, the class fell to pieces in laughter. Happily, the cheerleader next to me laughed so hard, she fell to the floor, causing her legs to split wide and show off her cheerleader panties. Then the hot girl next to me put her hands over my eyes. So in less than ten seconds I'd had sweet gaseous relief, seen a girl's panties, and had another girl put her hands on me. Definitely the best day of freshman year."

"I had agreed to be my junior high's mascot for a girls' basketball game. Much to my delight, the 'hot' gym teacher was to help me put on the lion costume. Much to my dismay, as I lifted my leg to step into the furry bottoms, I squeaked one out, leaving the teacher crouched down, stone-faced, holding up the pants mere inches from my ass. It wasn't even a particularly 'cute' fart; maybe if it had been, the scenario could have led to sex."

"Farted in the middle of a completely silent yoga class while stretching my leg upward. A rare real-life moment straight out of an early-80s teen comedy."