 Chili's #137
Of all the deep-fried Americana restaurants currently degenerating public dining taste and aesthetics, Chili's is my favorite, mainly because it offers a wider variety than most of the others (T.G.I. Friday's, Applebee's, Bennegan's, Wild O'Somebody's Mouthful of Mayhem), and more specifically offers a better selection of vegetarian options. It's a tough place to navigate on a Vegan diet ("I'll just have salad, minus the bacon, chicken, and dressing" seems to be the best response), but for vegetarians with absolutely no health conscience, it's a tasty little place overall. Almost everything is deep fried or slathered in cheese, sometimes both, but for the most part everything has a "kick" of some sort, promoting the idea of Chili's vague "Tex-Mex" bent and confirming it as a very watered-down version of "spice" (both in actual taste and d…cor).
The Chili's in Deerfield is one of the more consistent ones I've been in, although this was also the place where I received the absolute worst service ever from an utterly unapologetic idiot who I now wish I had castrated at the time (it's never good to go back and do it). I'm surprised I even went back after that experience, though I'm glad I did because it really proves to be the exception to the rule here. I dined with my old lady, and decided to abandon my supposed Veganism (which for a few weeks has seemed like more of a hobby than a lifestyle, sad to say), to indulge in some deep-fried unwholesomeness that admittedly tastes pretty damn good. I am highly susceptible to choices like this when I'm very hungry (in this case, hadn't eaten all day … well, at least I was giving my tongue some excitement, if not my body any nutrition).
We had an Awesome Blossom as an appetizer (perhaps mainstream USA's most devious achievement yet – a flayed onion deep fried and served with spicy dippin' sauce), which was good, and then we both had mushroom-swiss burgers with the black bean patty subsitited for the dead cow patty (they will substitute any burger that way – meat, turkey, or black bean). These were delicious, smothered with grilled mushrooms and onions. The cheese, which was the most egregious non-Vegan item ordered all night, could have been done without, but what am I, Saint Augustine?! The burgers came with fries, with which we got extra mayo for dipping (a must for the non-Vegan … and we were doing it long before Pulp Fiction, you jackass). All this was very good. The drinks were Sprite and Diet Coke, refilled with relative promptness.
The server was excellent, very professional and accommodating, more than making up for the previous visit's bumbling fuck-ass. The atmosphere was tolerable, though this location in particular is generally populated by preening teenage North Shore girls who will unabashedly gossip about you without regard for propriety … I mean, you should always gossip after someone leaves! Personally, I find this simultaneously annoying and amusing. The parking was dealable. Bill came to about $25 with tip, and we skipped dessert. Nothing earth-shattering about the place, but it's a fine enough setting in which to defile the temple that is your body.
Review by Bought A. Mai, February 1999 |