In-N-Out Burger
29149 S. Sepulveda Blvd, Westchester, CA, USA

In-N-Out is a gluttonous treat for me when I'm in California – simply the tastiest fast-food burgers your fat-ass can buy. Once you have eaten an In-N-Out burger, you will think again before bothering with the wares of any other burger chain. By comparison, even the reasonably satisfying fat-ass burgers at Wendy's seem like Gerber baby food.

The thing I love most about In-N-Out is the menu. It's very nearly hilarious: they only offer like four items … a single or double hamburger, with or without cheese, plus fresh-cut french fries and colas or shakes. No chicken-ass sandwiches, no salad bullshit, no breakfast burrito miasma, no honky-ass low-carb foolin'-yourself malarkey. Just good-ass fatburgers, cheap and filling. In and out.

The location near LAX is to be avoided, though. Perhaps it's just too busy, I don't fucking know. All's I know is the service was a complete failure – of two cashiers' lines, I happened to choose the one with a high and/or retarded girl who couldn't count or keep track of what she was ringing up, so as I waited, the entire other line was satisfactorily rung up and sent along their way, whilst my dipshit cashier struggled to make sense of the order before mine. They have four things on the menu and still this girl couldn't make it happen.

So, the other line having cleared, I stepped to the other cashier, only for her to hold up her finger and say, "Hold on a sec," while she broke open some rolls of change. If the burgers weren't so fucking terrific, I'd surely have slapped the ho.

After an irritatingly extended further wait, I finally received my food and it was delicious. Just good enough to make up for what preceded. Lesson learned: don't eat near an airport. Oh, and it was fucking freezing in there, too.

Review by Dr. Testis, April 2004