 Longhorn Steakhouse
Longhorn Steakhouse is one of seemingly thousands of new restaurants that have been springing up around Fairview Heights in the recent months, occupying formerly residential areas with brazenly commercial landscape. Perhaps this is a bad thing for the community, or the country, but it's damn good for my appetite, sure enough.
The Longhorn isn't an exceedingly large place, and I assume it gets crowded, or they intend it to, as a menu is posted on the wall outside the front door. Alas, I went there at about 6:00 on a Tuesday, so this menu proved unnecessary. The interior was decorated in a style that could only be classified as, well, "expected" – a pseudo-"Texan" theme with a cowboy motif. Lots of saddles, and saddlebags and other leather things everywhere, prints of old newspaper stories about cowboys, and, not surprisingly, large steer heads mounted on the walls. It seemed a bit too dark in the place, but I think that was mostly due to the dark finish of every wall and floorsapping any ambient light straight out of the air. Our table was next to the bar, which allowed me a good look at their selection of liquors and beers, which proved to be impressive if customary for this sort of place. About eight or ten beers appeared to be on draft, plus several well-chosen spirits. Knob Creek Whiskey? Hm, I haven't had that since I was a child.
The menu was, to say the least, beef-oriented. About eight or so different cuts could be had – New York strip, T-bone, ribeye, porterhouse, filet, and so on. There were also a few chicken dishes, and a variety of burgers, to which I paid little mind, as I was on a mission for steak. I noticed no real veg dishes, but I suspect there had to be something – a "big salad" if nothing else – but come on, it was a steakhouse. The service was simply adequate, but I never really recall ever getting service anywhere that would give me just cause to proclaim it anything but. In a place like this, that's what I expect, and it's what I usually get. Our bread was brought quickly, while it was still nice and warm, but I could complain about the knife with which we were to cut it. It was only mildly serrated at best, and my efforts only resulted in severe mangling of the small crusty loaf. But, the bread was tasty nonetheless, so my complaint is really a reach. My Coke was sufficiently Cokey, and refilled efficiently, while my dinner mate's frozen strawberry daiquiri (can you tell I was with female?) was reportedly tasty.
After what seemed to be a bit too long (quite possibly exacerbated by the piped-in country music), our steaks arrived. I had the nine-ounce "Flo's Filet," medium well, while my companion had the seven-ounce version of the same steak, cooked the same way. We both opted for the baked potato, while she had a Caesar salad, which I passed on, being the vegophobe that I am. At first glance, I was disappointed in the steak, as it was pretty black on the outside, it looked altogether too "crispy." But, as I'm not one to send meals back unless they appear to have been dropped on the floor, and since this was costing my friend around fifteen smackers (I had won a bet that she couldn't go thirty days without fucking her dog), I dug in. The crispy-looking coating on the outside was only slightly so, and actually added some good flavor to the steak, though I'm sure it was packed with carcinogens equivalent to chain-smoking a carton of Lucky Strike unfiltereds. As filets go, it wasn't the best I've ever had, but it was f'n close. The meat was tender and juicy, and cooked just the way I had asked for it, and it cut effortlessly with the massive steak knife they provided. After a few bites, it became clear that there had been some sort of spice added, seemingly high in black pepper content, but I dig the pep, so it was actually quite nice. It also served to make the mid-size baked potato even more complementary. I proceeded to demolish the whole thing, ending the meal heavy with cow, and kinda sleepy, which is always a sign of good meal, at least for me. I also ate the entire steak without steak sauce, which in my mind is the true indication of a damn fine steak. The bill altogether came to just a bit under $40, which seemed a bit pricey for two with no appetizers or desserts, but the quality of the meal pretty much justified it.
I walked out of the Longhorn extremely satisfied with my meal, and with no holes left in my appetite, so I would say they did their job admirably. I can't say I was blown away by the place, that would be stretching it a bit, but I definitely enjoyed my meal, plan on eating there again, and would recommend it to the other meat people out there. Now to find me an agent, so I can start filming my witty series of commercials for the place, ensuring my future in Hollywood, where I can finally make that snuff film with Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves.
Review by Mario Speedwagon, September 1998 |