Lay's® Wavy Bacon Wrapped Jalapeño Popper Flavored

Not too long ago, when I was living in Southern California, I was summoned before a tribunal and banished for being too fat. Over the state line I strode, proverbial tail between my legs (the literal tail was actually about three layers of thigh fat formed like sausage within the casing of my too-small Spanx).

I relocated to Northern Oklahoma, where, wouldn't you know it, I was AGAIN summoned before a tribunal and banished … this time for not being fat enough! Oh, life.

Just goes to show, you can't please everyone, so, as Rick Nelson said as he buried his face in a mound of cocaine as the plane was going down, "YOU HAVE TO PLEASE YOURSELF, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGH!!!"

Man, Rick Nelson was out of control back then. Much like me around pretty much any open bag of Lay's potato chips, of which just about any variety will do me just fine. The Wavy ones might be my least favorite – I've often said that wavy potato chips are to ridged what fuckin' retards are to non-fuckin' retards – but they're still fuckin' potato chips, nonnie!

These Bacon Wrapped Jalapeño Popper Wavies seek to emulate … uhhh, what, some kind of cocktail party appetizer? Not sure I've ever actually seen a bacon-wrapped jalapeño popper before, and I've had PLENTY of poppers, if you know what I mean. Studio 54 in the hay-ouuuuse!!!

Overall, not too memorable. They smell kind of like roasted jalapeños, and there is a very vague cream cheese flavor, along with the faintest possible kick. It kind of seems like at the end of a shift at the Lay's factory, the guy handcrafting Ruffles Loaded Bacon & Cheddar Potato and the guy handcrafting Ruffles Jalapeño Ranch each had a little surplus flavor powder, so they both snuck up on the poor sap making Lay's Wavy Sour Cream & Onion, divebombing him with flavor powder and then heaving his seizuring body into the shallow end of the Chip Pit. (Fairly certain I'm pretty close on how they make stuff down at the Lay's boutique.)

Also, I love how they add the small-type, greyed-out "FLAVORED" at the end of the flavor name, as though a lawyer at Lay's, on even the smallest level, fears someone might think the bag contains actual bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers … oh wait, that's precisely the case. The case of Fuckin' Idiot v. PepsiCo, that is.

Review by Petsy Ooombah