McIntosh Apple

I'm all for retro, but there's driving a '61 Cobsom and there's driving a '61 Hmeckpfer. Am I right?! I mean, for every classic French recipe in the Julia Child cookbook, there must be 10 Mamie Eisenhower Cherries Jubilee Flank Steak Towers.

It's hard to imagine now, but I swear at one time the McIntosh was on the "edgy" and "exciting" end of the apple spectrum. Much like the computer on which it was based, however, the McIntosh now is more of a historical curio. Eating one is sort of like watching MeTV, or having a Stouffer's Chipped Beef Dinner: it's a trip back to a different time.

A time when apples were almost fuckin' flat-out mealy compared with the presumably 3-D printed apples of today. Biting into one, you get an unpleasantly soft mouthful that is far closer to a spoonful of apple sauce than to a seriously crisp modern apple. If it is nursery school, or indeed, the nursing home, to which you wish to voyage, by all means, have my McIntosh.

I suppose, "pioneer"-wise, the McIntosh showed there could be middle ground between a Red Delicious and a Granny Smith … so thanks, there, ya Huey Long of apples.

* Sigh * I guess it's kind of like how at one time I'd marvel at the tones of the Benny Goodman Orchestra, but now can only listen to the Jaden Smith Orchestra.

Review by Bailiff Effalee Bayleaf