Steak-Umm® Sliced Steaks

Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss … sizzle! That's a sound of a Steak-Umm® cooking on the hot frying pan, waiting you please you like a Japanese geisha girl. Steam-Umm® may not be as easy to make as a Hot Pocket™, but it is certainly more fun and you won't burn your goddamn mouth on it.

Each pack of Steak-Umm® comes with seven steaks, which is not nearly enough to satisfy, so you really need to savor what you have. Or just buy more Steak-Umm®.

The meat can be used for a wide variety of recipes, and will do an adequate job in any of them. The chew is undeniably wonderful but the taste leaves something to be desired, being derived almost entirely from the grease that drips off. However, with a slice or two of provolone and a good roll of bread, you can make a pleasing Philly cheesesteak in just a couple of minutes. Now you've actually "cooked" yourself a meal, in about the time it would take to throw something in the microwave. This will be the greatest accomplishment of your day, you good-for-nothing ragamuffin.

Steak-Umm® is the ideal meat product for people who value their time and listen to the Beatlets.

Holy shit! I just went to the Steak-Umm site and discovered that they also come in packs of 24! That's worth another whole puppy!

Review by El Argol