Ben & Jerry's Pistachio Pistachio

This must be one of Ben & Jerry's most underrated flavors. Most people can't find the sophistication not to dive face-first into a pint of the cookie-dough types of flavors, or anything to do with chocolate.

But Pistachio Pistachio is a subtle ice cream that is very rewarding time and again. Pistachio ice cream with roasted pistachios. Nothing fancy, just good goddamn ice cream for your fat ass.

Actually, this is surprisingly one of the less fatty Ben & Jerry's ice creams, at "only" 15 grams of fat and 240 calories per quarter-pint. I'd been trying to incorporate Ben & Jerry's into my recent diet in hopes of securing an advertising deal like the fattie from Subway who lost like 300 pounds by eating Subway sandwiches. I wanted to lose like 500 pounds eating Ben & Jerry's, but I found it pretty much precludes eating anything else throughout the day. I lost 300 pounds before giving it up.

Plus, I was shitting so much undigested fudge and nuts it was sickening. This may have been the result of smearing my hands with Olean before eating the ice cream, which I eat with my fingers.

Plan B was similarly wrong-headed, as it entailed me simply smearing the ice cream on my nude body in an attempt to disgust myself into not eating any more Ben & Jerry's. I would stare down at my 1300 pounds and wonder whether I'd ever get down to my high school weight of 900 pounds. What I wouldn't give to be able to fit into my prom dress!

Review by Teensy Weensy