Edy's® Dreamery™ – Chocolate Almond Bar

So far, I am not altogether blown away by the self-proclaimed surreal wonderland of Edy's® Dreamery™. It's a semi-successful stab at doing something new in the one-pint-serving ice cream arena, which is admittedly dominated by the tasty and politically satisfying offerings of Ben & Jerry's. How is a company like Edy's to compete? They sit around crying all day, going, "Whoa, we have good ice cream too. How can we get a piece of that fat baby action?"

Well, they've finally done something about it. (Wow, I just realized that I was making up this scenario entirely, and it took no time at all for me to buy into it myself.) The Dreamery™ line aims to fulfill your wildest subconscious desires for crazy ice cream flavors.

Well, not mine. I have NEVER in reality seen something as tempting as Whatchamacallit® Coconut Breastmilk Cranberry-Chocolate Jack Daniels Granola Crunch, as I did in that dream wherein I made frantic love to Lindsay Sloane and also drove a stake through the heart of a vampire praying mantis who was also somehow my high school track coach.

Chocolate Almond Bar was serviceable if unmemorable. Chocolate ice cream with white and milk chocolate chunks, almonds, and caramel swirls. I mean, it's fine, but if I'm going to put this much fat in my body I may as well be blowing Louie Anderson. Which incidentally, I have, but not outside of my own little dreamery.

Review by Eulander Coxum