Pop Secret Double Butter

I once worked at a warehouse with a large number of illegal Mongolians. Once in awhile, on particularly slow days, they would get crazy drunk and cook a pig over a makeshift barbecue pit in the middle of the warehouse. After one of these ragers, "Tooter" (as we called him; his given name was Batbayar) took out his wallet, opened it, and proudly showed me a photo of his twin sons.

"My double boy," he said with reverence, tears welling up in his eyes.

Not knowing how to respond to this unexpected and rare show of emotion, I pointed at the box of Pop Secret sitting next to the filthy microwave.

"My Double Butter," I said sternly. "Don't fucking take any."

In retrospect, I'm not sure why I had to be such a hard-ass, but I guess you get that way from working with Mongolians. Strangely, it's not like I even care that much about Pop Secret Double Butter. In fact, I'm disappointed every time I get it. It promises "extreme butter taste," but the flavor is actually pretty middle-of-the-road.

It's certainly "double yellow," and "double smells" up my microwave, and makes me "double thirsty" … but at the end of the day, it just kind of tastes the same as Pop Secret Extra Butter, or perhaps it's Act II X-Treme Butter I'm thinking of.

The funny thing is, I don't even like microwave popcorn, I only get it for the UPC codes … for some reason Tooter said he'd trade me his double boy for 100 of 'em.

Review by TingTing Sossi