Centrum

In the fiercely competitive field of nutritional supplements, it seems like companies are always striving to outdo each other in what they can offer the consumer. "1000% RDA of Vitamin B12!" screams one. "2000 mg of Pure Soul!" screams another. (Wait, that last one may have been a CD and not a vitamin. Do they have James Brown chewable vitamins?)

But I have found that for my dietary needs, Centrum gives me what my body is looking for, with the ease of a simple pill. Now, at first i was confused as to the operating procedure of Centrum, not realizing that you were to take one tablet daily in addition to regular meals, rather than instead of regular meals. For the first two weeks or so, I was extremely hungry all the time and snapping at everyone!

But once I adjusted to the idea of it being a supplement rather than a Jetsons-esque meal-in-a-pill, I began to enjoy it quite a lot.

I take the regular Centrum rather than the Centrum Silver, which I will be eligible for upon reaching an unspecified old age. I suppose they will notify me when it's time to upgrade. In the meantime, Centrum gives me 100% of my Daily Value of most necessary vitamins (A, C, D, E, B6, B12) as well as Thiamin, Riboflavin, Niacinamide, Folic Acid, Panthothenic Acid, Zinc, Copper, Iron, and Iodine, the last of which is especially useful if I have to swab a cut with Iodine.

Additional benefits are 10% Daily Value of Biotin, 11% of Phosphorus, 25% of Magnesium, and 2% of Potassium, plus indeterminate amounts of exotic-sounding things like Vitamin K and Vanadium. I was under the assumption that Vitamin K was a horse tranquilizer, but I've been informed that I was thinking of the club drug K, and so I've had to stop feigning narcolepsy at work to get out of unpleasant tasks.

It is also my understanding that Centrum is more readily absorbed by the body than most supplements, and its gelatin-free nature makes it ideal for my supposedly vegan lifestyle.

There are only a couple of drawbacks to Centrum. One is that if you take a Centrum tablet without water, you are bound to get a tongueful of chalky orange residue from the rather large pill, but that is easily avoided by taking it with water.

Also, I would like to see additional properties added to the regular Centrum that would be similar to the new Centrum Herbals line that add herbs like St. John's Wort to the blend. First, I would like to see powerful aphrodesiac properties added to the pill, something that would intensify orgasm and help maintain nipple erection for several hours, perhaps even the whole day.

Also, it would be helpful to have something added to the pill that would allow me to do addition and subtraction with greater clarity and focus, so that balancing my checkbook wouldn't take so much time.

A third attribute I'd like to see in Centrum is the possibility of it being made in gum form, ideally toothpaste gum. Or, conversely, the pill could be formulated such that submerging it in water would make it swell up into a delicious meal of portobello mushrooms and couscous.

I can't say I feel a distinct difference in my life from taking Centrum, but I have been satisfied with the peace of mind it has given me, not having to worry about my boron count. If they could make a Centrum that was either flavored or shaped like strawberries, that would also be very nice, because I really like the taste and look of strawberries. Ha, I could have said that would be "berry" nice!

Review by Deaf