 The Archies I remember seeing an article in MOJO indicating that there's apparently enough recorded Archies material to fill an 8-to-10 disc box set. Now, out of a near 6 billion people on this planet, I am probably one of like 19 people that would purchase this if it ever were to exist. Regrettably, it doesn't, and someday when God finally begins to repay me for all the kind and/or nebbishy acts I did in my younger years, he just might say "Go forth, AAA, and create that Archies box set for the masses. Just don't blame it on me." Fair enough, Big G. Most folks wouldn't see it as a problem whatsoever, but obtaining Archies music these days is much tougher than you'd think. None of the individual albums have been rereleased on CD, and your best bet of obtaining vinyl is to pay inflated prices on eBay. There's a scad of "Greatest Hits" releases to choose from, all of seemingly dubious legality. I've seen a German import that seems better than average, but this one clocks in at a paltry 10 tracks, with perhaps THE least appealing packaging ever – no sign of Archie & the Gang on the cover, but instead a MISERABLE generic splash of color featuring a 50s greaser couple (?) (!). Fifteen years too late, pal … how about Lichtenstein-designed student protesters on the cover instead? Or, for even more comprehensive cluelessness, a Dave Berg "Lighter Side …" cartoon? Three paragraphs in, yet nary a mention of the music – take note, Mr. Marsh. I unabashedly love bubblegum pop ... when those government-issued 3 chords are used in just the right way, you can't "top the pop" (*ugh*). But the lowlights tended to dominate the playing field, so the genre as a whole amounts to something basically inconsequential, though never unlistenable. When things get boring with a bubblegum record, you can easily get your brain interested by either imagining Nirvana or Yes covering this stuff, or better yet, cartoon versions of Nirvana or Yes. There goes a technicolor Dave Grohl handing Jon Anderson (and his spacedog Olias) freshly picked daisies. Cute. So, um, the CD. No imagination necessarily needed when hits like "Jingle Jangle" and the overplayed-to-death-but-somehow-makes-it-through "Sugar Sugar" make it onto the hi-fi, though. Breezy, well-crafted pop. Highlight of this Greatest Hits, however, is "Feelin' So Good", in which Archie (Ron Dante) sings the praises of his girlfriend, Skooby Doo. Even though no lyrics, let alone songwriter or musician credits, are provided with the packaging (at least it DOES have a UPC code), I know her embarrassing name is spelled as such, thanks to the "I said S-K-O-O B-Y-D-O-O" chant that comprises the bridge of the song. Gotta wonder if the folks at Hanna-Barbera were ready to file a lawsuit … that is, until they got a minute-and-a-half into the song, and heard the clarification. Besides, what lawyers back then WEREN'T listening to the Archies? Which lawyers today aren't, either? Certainly any that'll work for the Loud Bassoon, that's for durn sure. Maybe those theoretical lawyers can get me better leads on securing quality Archies material – this disc has a few gems, but in truth,is only a stopgap for any Archies box sets destined for the tired, poor, yearning, and huddled mass of bubblegum fanatics alone in this world.
Review by AAA |