 The Carpenters I know of at least three mentions in comedy in the past 20+ years (Steve Martin stand-up, a Dana Carvey "SNL" skit, a Beavis & Butthead episode) in which the "comedian" makes reference of dying and going to heaven, then asking questions regarding their time spend on earth ("How many times did I take the Lord's name in vain?," "What was the 368th scariest thing I ever saw?," etc). This concept still continues to fascinate me, as it would make all the goddamn listmaking for the Loud Bassoon that much easier. Still, all subtle attempts in "making a funny" aside, I do plan on eventually asking (hey, we've get a whole eternity up there, right?) "How many times DID I listen to the Carpenters' Carpenters album anyhow?" Hopefully, the angel I ask this to will have a good sense of humor, and give an answer something like "4,777 – coincidentally, the same amount of times you walked back into the house to double-check that the iron was unplugged." Odds are that I have listened to Carpenters more than any other album I've e'er owned (another question for the afterlife), granted both that & the self-titled Sesame Street album were always #1 and #2 on my playlist up to 1st grade, though eventually bumped down thanks to the Saturday Night Fever and Grease soundtracks, but let's save that for my psychotherapy column. In fact, for reason still unexplained, neither Top 2 albums ever seemed to have a cover, and each record had more pops and clicks than an irate dolphin convention. (?) And though the Sesame Street album later resurfaced in a fit of seemingly prerequisite childhood revisitation during college ("Up & Down," anyone?), Carpenters has been, for the most part, a continual companion through up to this day. During the recent Carpenters resurgences – yes, there was more than one – critics are always lighting-fast to point out that Karen had "that" voice, but the music was always dreck. OK, so there are definitely some Carpenters duds out there, but what the F was she supposed to sing? You'd better think twice about time-travelling back to 1973 and forcing Karen & Richard at knife's edge to bring in John Fogerty and recutting "Proud Mary" together. The songs were more often than not GREAT – for crying out loud, they were singing Bacharach and Paul Williams originals (speaking of which, Paul, phone home!)! Carpenters starts out with "Rainy Days And Mondays", a f'n incredible song with maybe one of THE best recorded vocals from the 20th century. Yes, I know what the term "hyperbole" means, jacka$$ … but I ain't frontin' here. Granted, the album immediately careens into "Saturday," one of Richard's many goofball originals that popu p throughout their catalog, but I still enjoy it after umpteen listens – John Linnell, cover this one at once! The album continues to flow rather well, tracks segueing immediately one after the other, through side 1, ending with the blissful oboe-prominent "For All We Know." Indescribably great. Side 2 keeps rolling with "Superstar" … more perfection. Next up, back to the oddball side of things, with the RC-penned "Druscilla Penny." Having plenty of harpsichord earns it many points, and the groupie-bashing (!) lyrics by John Bettis still continue to baffle to this day … extra bonus point for the isolated kick drum which still continues to sound like a skip on the record. The last two cuts are worth mentioning, as one is a deranged medley of Bacharach/David tunes – think of an impossibly fine-tuned cabaret act on this one. The closer is the Mancini-composed (specifically for Karen & Richard, I believe) "Sometimes." A bit on the maudlin side, but with just piano and vocals, no one can attack the C's for their extra-maple-syrup production. And, btw, that extra-maple-syrup production still continues to kick my a$$ to this day. Hmm, this album is pretty much that … a big stack of pancakes with extra-maple-syrup, plus a tall glass of cold milk. It doesn't get much friendlier than that, now do it?
Review by AAA |