Neil Diamond
Tap Root Manuscript (MCA 31071)

Easily one of the most ridiculous pop stars ever, Neil Diamond has forged a career out of truly kooky ideas and, at last count, three chords. His popularity is hard to fathom, but certainly must have a lot to do with his nerdy sexiness as well as his proven knack for catchy melodies.

For me, Tap Root Manuscript is his masterpiece, perfectly representing both his songwriting prowess and absolute cluelessness as far as what is a good idea for a song. The album might be seen as two separate concept albums: side 1 is about hippie "free life," side 2 is about African plains life.

The executives at MCA must have been scratching their heads trying to figure out how the hell Neil Diamond could sing such stupid lyrics so passionately. But that's his whole appeal, I guess: I mean, this guy sang "Porcupine Pie" in concert for years, to HUGE applause!

Tap Root kicks off with "Cracklin' Rosie," one of Neil's three-chord masterpieces (oh, I guess "three chords" is a given.so it's one of his masterpieces, then). "Free Life" sports the line "Pick me a tune/sing it like a black man," just one of the many borderline racist moments on this truly demented pop album.

"Coldwater Morning" is one of Neil's "lonely dreamer" songs, and every Diamond album must have one. "Done Too Soon," sort of Neil's "Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me)," opens with the immortal line "Jesus Christ, Fanny Brice" and runs with the ball from there.

That runs into "He Ain't Heavy … He's My Brother," which features no notably odd ideas. The rest of the album is devoted to Neil's African safari. I can't think of a weirder tangent taken by a major artist on an album, unless you count the entire career of Cybill Shepherd.

Backed (and often replaced) by a children's chorus, it is here that Tap Root Manuscript reaches lofty heights for me, for even as it is misguided and bizarre, it is undeniably intentional.

"Childsong" is but a precursor of what is to come … the biggest moment of madness is "I Am the Lion," by far my favorite Neil Diamond song and one of the oddest things ever recorded. Trading verses with a lone child singer and a comical baritone, and accompanies by giggling children, a "jungle marimba," and a cartoonish tympani bounce, Neil is found screaming "I AM THE LION!!! BELLOWING OUT IN THE NIGHT!!!" Okay, Neil, just calm down! You're the lion, you're the lion!

From there, it's Neil's Graceland. Instrumental "African" songs (really, just three-chord Neil Diamond pop songs with flutes, and tuned percussion) combine with the sort of "African" songs you might find at a 3rd-grade class musical. Ridiculous stuff, but so listenable! Neil's a twisted genius, though not for any of the reasons he probably thinks so.

I think Puff Daddy should cover "I Am the Lion," and turn that into a catch-phrase to replace "da bomb." "I am the lion," he'd rap. "Damn."

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Ten Ton Tom