Julia Fordham
The Julia Fordham Collection (Virgin Records America 46315)

I'm always a bit confused when someone that I've never heard comes out with a career retrospective. Like Basia, Julia Fordham is one of those artists that I've always been curious about but sort of scared of.

Now, having heard Julia Fordham, I realize that this fear is not unfounded – it's a strong indication that I pretty much know I'm not going to like whatever I'm scared of. This only applies to musical fear, of course. There have been many things I was initially scared of that now I couldn't live without (roller coasters, cage fighting, branding irons, and farfalle pasta).

Listening to this disc, I am overcome by apathy and confusion. I wonder who it is that buys this type of music. It would be understating the point to say that this disc does nothing for me. It's slick but not predictable, arty but not interesting, pretty but not appealing, and derivative but not identifiable.

Fordham has a strong voice, but she seems even more obsessed with it than Sarah McLachlan is with hers.

I've seen her compared to Sarah Vaughan, but I'd say that would have to be only in terms of sheer vocal self-indulgence, not in gorgeousness of timbre or perfection of phrasing. Her songs are, to me, extremely boring, and even when she gets a decent melody, there will all of a sudden be some chimes or soprano saxophone to offset the effect and drive it straight into a vat full of bubbling cheese. And as my friends will tell you, I'm not one for fondue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-!!!!!!!!!!!%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The better tracks come across, to me, as second-rate Everything But the Girl, while the lesser tracks don't come across at all. I suppose my alarm should have gone off when I saw "Duet with Curtis Stigers" on the back cover – already my eyes were glazing over into classic blank stare mode.

Lots of those kinds of songs that have spacious drums a la Peter Gabriel, and fake African-style rhythms and vocals. It all strikes me as incredibly Yuppie.

The disc hits a bit more of an interesting stride later on with tracks from the Michael Brook-produced East West, but the songs are still not memorable. The track "Girlfriend" stood out immediately, and I can see why Julia Fordham is popular in the gay community, but my love for invigorating, eye-opening fisting sessions at the corner bathhouse still can't make me connect with this disc.

For fans, there are a number of new remixes/remakes of earlier tracks, and I suppose if I could understand this music at all I'd probably give it a 3 or 4. As it is, there's no way around a Blank Stare.

At least I've learned my lesson; I won't be picking up that Basia greatest-hits after all.

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by The Spice Hunter