Pope John Paul II
Abba Pater (Sony Classical 61705)

Finally, Pope John Paul II demonstrates why he is one of the world's most beloved entertainers with an album of synthesizer-based spiritual music. Of course, I was disappointed to learn that he didn't play the synthesizers himself, which would have been a highly entertaining image – the Pope sitting down at a synthesizer and creating Enigma-like soundscapes over which he would then lay on vocals straight out of Catholic religious ceremony. I think it's time the world had a Pope that played synthesizer, but in the meantime we have one who at least is willing to work in that context.

Of course, I'm sure the Pope actually had zero to do with this album. Some marketing genius at Sony undoubtedly conceived the album as a means of capitalizing on the vague spirituality trend that's been developing since the mid-90's, contacted a bunch of Italian musicians to do the music, and had them fly in the Pope's voice from existing sound recordings – though if they actually got him into a studio, then I tip my hat. I love the idea of the Pope with headphones on his head, getting interrupted by an engineer: "Um, excuse me your holiness, but let's do another take. You were a little flat." Or: "Pope, I'm getting some weird hum in one of the channels. We're gonna have to do that again." Or: "Great, Pope! Let's double track that!"

Perhaps his next album will be an ambitious double album a la Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, but more, uh, religious or something. Obviously my blackened soul is unmoved listening to this CD and I'm forced to make joke after joke. In and of itself, actually, the CD is fine – very accessible, pretty music with mostly spoken Latin words over the music. Some tracks have that "global village" type feel that you find in CD's by Deep Forest. Several other tracks feature strings, a choir, and a soprano to enhance the "it's so beautiful" factor for all the Catholic grandparents that get the disc as a gift. Excommunicated people like myself will mainly listen with much boredom and remark on how much the Pope sounds like Dracula when he speaks English. Just goes to show you, there's a very fine line between a powerful religious leader and a notorious vampire, or so my fiercely anti-Catholic/anti-Vampire grandfather always said.

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Sula Tomkins