Roxette
Don't Bore Us – Get to the Chorus! Roxette's Greatest Hits (EMI 7243 8354662 6)
& Don't Bore Us, Get to the Chorus (Edeltone 18205)

A Roxette greatest-hits? Total no-brainer, in terms of music and marketing. It occurred in Europe back in '95, finally finding US release (with slightly modified tracklist) in '00. Either one is as lush and tasty as a bowl of Apple Jacks.

I'd speculate that most sales of the disc happen through Columbia House (do they still exist?), as it's the perfect record club selection, like The Best of Sade or Twelve Deadly Cyns. Albums no one would really consider buying in a store, yet everyone has.

All the hits are here, plus some new ones recorded for the collection. Lots of bubblegum and arena-love balladry … wonderful, wonderful listening. Anyone who claims to remain impassive to the unbeatable hooks here is a pretentious chuckle head.

"The Look," "Joyride," "It Must Have Been Love," "Dangerous," "Fading Like a Flower" … one after another, out pours the sweet sugar.

"Dressed For Success" will transport you into some mall-shopping movie montage sequence full of guiltless fun and lots of hammy fun. Relive the magic of the Super Mario Brothers soundtrack with "Almost Unreal."

Tell yourself you object, that the lyrics don't make sense, that it's too calculated. Try to resist. No way! They hook you with track one ("June Afternoon") and keep you afloat on a steady I.V. of swirling Rickenbackers and time-proven harmonies.

There's a reason Roxette have sold hundreds of millions of albums: they just write great f'n pop songs.

The US version adds two new songs ("Stars" and "Wish I Could Fly") plus "Church of Your Heart" (sadly omitted on the UK edition), though it misses a couple of good ones ("June Afternoon," "She Doesn't Live Here Anymore"). That said, it's not particularly necessary to go out of your way to find the UK version if the US one presents itself easily.

Of course, I would not recommend a steady diet of this sort of music, nor would I suggest regular listenings of the entire album. Always follow it up with some form of cleansing music, like Bach or birdsongs. Just don't deny yourself the occasional pleasure. It's no sin, and after all, we all need fat alongside protein.

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Johnnie Bourgeois