Frank Zappa
The Man From Utopia (Barking Pumpkin D2 74245)

When I was in high school, as compact discs were slowly easing into vogue, I was curious why Zappa hadn't yet released my then-favorite album on CD. In those days, you couldn't just roll over to zappa.com or whatever and click "Email Us," so I wrote Frank a letter. (I also wrote one to Tom Scholz, but that was about something entirely different …)

Surprisingly, in a few short weeks, I received a reply, scribbled in pencil on top of the latest Barking Pumpkin catalog. "Sorry, MFU currently not available on CD! -FZ." That was so cool that I never bothered and, subsequently forgot about it, until many years later, when Man From Utopia finally made its digital debut.

I recall ripping the package open, and getting IMMENSELY PISSED. Frank changed the sequence of the songs! Blasphemy. Strike one! It's like … "Hmmm, I remember that skinny punk kid from Belleville who wrote me a letter years ago, and I'm going to mess with his favorite album" (yes, the world revolves around me).

The problem here is simple. In its new sequence, MFU really sucks. "Cocaine Decisions" is a pretty typical 80s Zappa song, just catchy enough to hook you, verbose enough to lose you. "SEX" just isn't as funny as it was 12 years ago. "Tink Walks Amok" is a nifty FZ instrumental, but it only leads you to "The Radio Is Broke"", which is dizzying and annoying. Then … "THUNDERPISSER #1," no, that's not a song, that's just my overall opinion of Zappa taking "We Are Not Alone," which is a great saxophone-driven instrumental that used to close the vinyl album, and cramming it cheaply into the #5 slot. BAD. Dumb. Ignorant.

Suddenly, instead of the album ending, we are punched into "The Dangerous Kitchen," which features Zappa scatting over a matching guitar part, and which is dull and obtuse. "The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou" is a fun medley, and returns Zappa to his wise-ass cover mode. A guilty pleasure, but truly not worthy of many repeat listens.

"Stick Together" is a bumpy groove that any given listener can survive. "The Jazz Discharge Party Hats" leap in, and 12 years later, still makes me laugh a bit, but again, the guy jiving over the unison guitar part is so-so. "JDPH" used to close the album by segueing into "We Are Not Alone." Instead, we are led into bad 50s doo-wop singers on "Luigi and the Wise Guys." Dumb again. The CD finally draws to a close with "Moggio," out of sequence, and out of gas. I'm turning this thing off.

I think I'm going to take a bath, drain the water, and use my back to make suction noises on the floor of the tub. It's more entertaining today than it was 12 years ago … which The Man From Utopia is definitely NOT. By the way, Tom Scholz sent me back a form letter on the official Boston® letterhead. He's forgiven, because his music still holds up.

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Casey Blick