The Life Laundry (BBC)
2002-present

I recommend that President Bush create a high-profile cabinet position for ex-pat Dawna Walter, main host of The Life Laundry. That, however, would draw her away from one of the most practical, eye-opening, reaffirming, and edifying, television programs ever created.

Dawna and her antique-whizkid co-host Mark Franks visit one household per episode to help folks get rid of all the clutter and unnecessary shit that blocks them from getting on with their lives. Dawna's accrued wisdom is 100% down-to-earth, and her compassionate yet firm approach is all about her clients moving forward.

Very rarely are Dawna's subjects realistic about their hoards, nor are they all that willing to let go, as most are completely burdened by a collector-bug stemming from sundry personal neuroses. Dawna doesn't stand for the excuses that shit, insisting that life is for the living now, and invariably, you actually getting around to fixing that "vintage" Betamax™ in your hallway closet just ain't NEVER gonna happen, Cap'n.

While the interior of the client's domicile is repainted and redesigned, all house goods are typically moved to the backyard, where one day is allowed for sorting through what is genuinely important. The leftover junk is liberated to car-boot sales, antique dealers, OxFam, or most delightfully, "The Crusher," a green trash compactor that rotates hypnotically as families throw in old school exams, Alphaville cassettes, and whatever other useless crap they've amassed. Individuals may shed a tear at the time, but Dawna knows that by show's end, everyone's gonna be all smiles and praising Almighty God for the purifying reduction of their soul's burden.

After every episode, I force myself to take one tour around my flat and start either tossing, or going straight to eBay. That's "tossing" as in "throwing stuff out," not "jerking off," thank you very much. THAT comes into play when I buy brand new, "useful" pornography purchased from my sold-off "vintage" pornography.

shiny dr. teeth tooth

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Bradley A. Milton © 2004