the loud bassoon guide to television: still standing

Still Standing (CBS)
2002-2006

In 1999 I wrote a review of the then-new series Ladies Man, noting how CBS sitcoms displayed a consistent tendency toward what might be termed the "Joel-Brinkley Conundrum" … the odd and hard-to-swallow coupling of a wholly average-looking or downright unattractive man with a thoroughly beautiful woman.

Quoting from that original review: "Somebody at CBS must have a soft spot in their heart for the dumpy, homely, and fat guys out there. First, there's Everybody Loves Raymond in which a tall, gangly, rather unattractive guy has managed to score a very attractive and sweet wife. Then there's The King Of Queens in which a portly, obnoxious guy that drives a delivery truck for a UPS clone has managed to score a stunning wife with a size-3 waist, big breast implants, and a wardrobe consisting solely of tight t-shirts and painted-on jeans. And finally, there's Ladies Man, in which a dumpy, unassuming guy with no apparent means of income has divorced his non-attractive first wife to marry a sexy new one."

Apparently, the rule still applies in 2004. How else to explain the presence of Still Standing? The overweight male lead this time around is Mark Addy, a British actor known from The Full Monty and undoubtedly less known as Fred Flintstone from the horrific second Flintstones movie. The attractive wife is Jami Gertz, remembered best – by my generation, anyway – as a hot vampire babe from The Lost Boys.

The only reason I even watched this show was that it was the only viable choice on the TVs at the gym. My other choices were some random college football game or American Idol, so this seemed the least evil.

Still Standing is like a sampler culled from every other sitcom ever. Throw in a little Raymond, a little Simpsons, a little Family Ties, and so on. I don't know how the show explained the unlikely coupling of the husband and wife … must be the British accent. Or perhaps Jami Gertz just takes what she can get these days.

The episode I saw dealt mainly with the daughter getting caught shoplifting, which, strangely enough, was also a major plot point of the episode of Ladies Man that I reviewed. Except in this one, she wasn't really shoplifting … it was a gift her brother bought that he hid under her bed … something something, something else … show's over.

I ought to have simply re-published my Ladies Man review for Still Standing, because if CBS can pass the same show off with minor variations, surely I could do the same here. As generic as the show is, it doesn't deserve any more attention than that, anyway. Since it's the lead-in to Raymond, it doesn't have to do much except keep people occupied, so that's all it aims for.

It kept me occupied well enough, I suppose, and provided diversion from staring at my personal trainer's sweaty cleavage, which my Peepers Anonymous sponsor is adamant I stop doing.