Blue-Footed Boobies

FUCK PELICANS! Blue-Footed Boobies are this season's "in" bird. Is there anything not fabulous about these birds? They wear nature's equivalent of Miu Miu hotboots, and their name conjures erotic images unbounded. Make no mistake: this is America's Next Top Ornithological Model!

Well, South America's, anyway, for these birds choose to hang in nature's equivalent of trendy L.A. nightclub Pray … the Galápagos. Forget what your grandfather told you about Darwin's Galápagan adventures … nowadays it's a place to see and be seen, especially if you have blue fucking feet!

Blue-Footed Boobies have no compunction about cannibalism when the going gets tough – does it get hipper than that? A bird's gotta eat, right? And unlike other supermodels who shall remain nameless (why you looking so shifty, Reba?), these boobies are all natural, baby!

What do Boobies do for fun? Try cliff diving, glamour fans! These babies are known to dive from upwards of 50 feet in the air, even into shallow pools, to retrieve fish for a between-shoot snack. Ever seen the former Mrs. Stamos do that shit?

By effortlessly combining the fashion world's deepest passions – blue feet and boobies – Blue-Footed Boobies are on the rise and sure to take the world by storm! They're so fucking glam, Eddie Izzard himself trembles in reverential awe!

Review by Shinbone Shiny