Squirrels

Whenever I think of animals, for some reason squirrels are among the first to come to mind. I don't know why this is, though, because they're total ASSHOLES. If you walk up to a squirrel to pet it, it just runs up a tree! Even when I sweet-talk with one, it still doesn't care. I guess this is the case with most animals, though.

Squirrels are portrayed in a positive light on television. In the Clusters cereal commercials, there's always a crafty squirrel who steals some schlub's Clusters and is very cute and smart. I've never had a squirrel do that to me before. All they are are little rodents with bushy tails. If I could just get through to them, though, they might turn out to be nice.

They eat nuts and such, which is okay, I guess. I mean, they don't prey on people or anything. If they eat insects, then that's a plus, but I'm not sure if I do. They probably don't, now that I think about it.

Flying squirrels are intensely cool. They are acrobatic wonders. Unlucky are the people in Madagascar and Australia who don't get the opportunity to see or interact with squirrels.

I still like squirrels even though they're pricks to me.

Review by Brandon Toam