It's a pretty goddamned unwatchable movie. The writers evidently aimed to put less effort into the script than even went into Herbie Goes Bananas. Given the progressively intense level of contempt with which people approach working on a Herbie movie, the next one will likely have no script, and will simply consist of unedited videocam footage taken by a retard at a car show. The performances demonstrate no greater respect for the audience. There is a strong sense that everyone was just there to party, and only begrudgingly stayed on set long enough to deliver one or two takes of each scene. Except Michael Keaton, who seems rather pitifully grateful for the work. Even the bloopers are half-assed … Lohan's painfully self-aware high-pitched fake "screaming" every time she blows a line seems desperate to convey a sense of "having fun," but it rings so false that it's hard not to interpret it as an overcompensated attempt simply to appear sober. But what the hell do I know? At least the film stayed within its budget, which I assume from the amazingly cheap look of the film and exceptionally poor soundtrack. My guess is they offset the extravagant overspending on digitally reducing Lindsay Lohan's tits by knocking the song-licensing budget down to $1. This is the only explanation I can come up with for why a soundtrack in 2005 could possibly include "Wipe Out," "Born to Be Wild," "Walking On Sunshine," and "Getcha Back" (?). Alternately, it could be the most cynically compiled soundtrack ever, and/or truly the laziest. Although T. Rex's "Metal Guru" is played over the credits, indicating perhaps the blowhead music supervisor was simply lifting a giant powdery middle finger at the audience the entire time. Strangely, despite the prevalent and obtrusive CG effects, Fully Loaded actually looks like a 1977 Disney flick—how it came off looking so cheap is perhaps the film's most startling achievement. If it weren't for the jaded, self-loathing tone of the writing and performances, I'd almost have been lulled into thinking I was watching some shit like The Million Dollar Duck … except I'd have preferred that.
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