 Hot Skin in 3-D (1977) The plot centers around The Inspector's pursuit of the notorious Harry Balls ("Harry Balls who?" "Anyone he can!") through various cathouses and car chases, with plot points hinging on a missing piece of paper which contains all the evidence the Inspector will need to put Harry out of business forever. What is on the paper is never explained, but it does provide many opportunities for sex scenes to occur, so this is one MacGuffin that you won't mind so much when it goes unexplained. The lead character is Chick (portrayed by Mike Ranger, bearing a weird resemblance to Barry Manilow), who owns Disco Dolls, a club where sexual freedom is explored by patrons and employees alike. When Chick's old girlfriend shows up with Harry Balls, Chick is forced to ponder why he was never able to maintain an erection when he was with her—did he really love her? She wants her "extra 10%" ("90% of all orgasms are clitoral, but 10% are vaginal. I want my extra 10%!"), and Harry gives it to her mightily. But she longs to make it work with Chick (and, later on, with some chicks). In between all this there is plenty of wackiness involving the Inspector's bumbling assistants, who at one point are forced to wade through a toilet full of excrement to find the missing paper, as well as a stereotypical psychiatrist who appears out of nowhere to counsel the various characters on their feelings and motives during the story. Throw in an obscene phone caller and the wise barmaid who fields his calls ("Does your pussy burn after sex?" "I don't know, I've never lit it on fire.") and you've got a recipe for fun with a capital X. And as gratuitously as the film itself, I feel compelled also to reveal the crank caller's best line: "I like peanut butter!" That's the only line that offends the barmaid, played by porn mainstay Uschi Digart. All this is fun enough, and I've barely even mentioned that as a bonus, it's in 3-D! The 3-D effects are utterly gratuitous, often unsuccessful, and sometimes totally random (in one scene, the 3-D stand-out is a lamp), but for pure zaniness at midnight on a Saturday night, you really can't beat watching a porno in the theater with 3-D glasses on. The crowd was comprised primarily of college kids (much like the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" scene in Fame), with a few nostalgic older men who came alone to remember the good old days before video killed the pornograph star. Everyone seemed to get a kick out of the cheesy music, bad dialogue, and totally forced sex-scene set-ups ("One thing I can say about Chick's taste in women" "What's that?" "They parallel my own."), and it was good that these things were genuinely funny. I would've been ready to hit someone if the movie had just been dumb but people were laughing outrageously anyway. ("Ha! A wah-wah guitar!") There's very few movies out there where you can get the impression of John Holmes' ferocious dick ejaculating in your face, and Hot Skin is one of them. (Holmes has a non-speaking cameo in an orgy scene). The ending is utterly out of control (murder and castration—as comedy) and on the whole this was very much worth the time spent. Until someone devises the Classic Porn Network, it's good that movies like Hot Skin come around every once in awhile as midnight movies. The "Boogie Nights" era of porn cinema is gone forever, but fortunately its many fruits are being preserved for, um, history's sake?
Review by Orleans Obligato |