Genghis Cohen
740 N. Fairfax Ave, Los Angeles, CA, USA

Genghis Cohen has been around probably since the 80s, when "greed was good" and rich people drank the sweet hot blood of orphan children in all-night orgies of sex and blood. This was the Big Sexual Revolution everyone talks about these days. Drinkin' orphan blood and sexin' up. Also, having heroin was fun, from what I heard. Heroin, sex, and orphan blood. Oh, and Chinese Food. Yes, Chinese Food was very important to these so-called rituals of the super-wealthy. And Genghis Cohen was at the center of it all, kind of like the Studio 54 of ritual sacrifice.

A pointless first paragraph, indeed, most likely leading to more senseless references. Or perhaps not? Let's read on and see …

I'd heard of Genghis Cohen but never been there before until this recent visit. Companion X and I went with Couple Q after seeing an excellent non-pornographic excellent film. It was packed, as I'm sure it always is, but the wait staff seated us immediately (I think they knew I was from the Loud Bassoon Dining Guide and feared my scathing reviews of restaurants with slow service).

The menu was packed with all kinds of Chinese foods, all the things you expect plus some things that play on the restaurant name – like Chinese versions of knish, and "things to nosh" instead of appetizers, etc.

We ordered a bunch of things I'll try to remember. Started with the mini vegetarian egg rolls and chicken pot stickers. Both excellent. Dinner included a broccoli/mushroom dish, a shrimp dish, an orange-fried tofu dish, and an eggplant dish, plus white rice (they were out of brown).

Everything was excellent – I scarfed on the shrimp and broccoli dishes, enjoyed the tofu as much as I can possibly enjoy tofu (I usually max out at about 85% enjoyment … there's something about tofu that just doesn't do it for me, like diet drinks and non-elderly porn), and skipped the eggplant entirely.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the food they ate, the companionship was mostly delightful despite the unaddressed air of tension resulting from me having screwed Companion Q's wife.

The atmosphere was cozy, not too loud, and hip enough to feel like we were a part of something, even though there were a lot of families in the restaurant along with the hipsters. I don't remember what my fortune was, but I remember thinking it was very positive and would certainly bring huge success for me in a short period of time. They always do.

Service was efficient, and didn't bug us when we lingered to chat after the bill was paid. With tax and tip, it worked out to about $22 a person, which isn't terribly cheap, but definitely worth it.

Might I add, it remains a true pleasure to not have to deal with indoor smokers, thanks to LA's forward-thinking anti-smoking laws. Move here now if you don't already live here. It's late January, and while you are struggling through piles of snow in your 30-pound parka, I'm enjoying a perfect, sunny, 72-degree afternoon. The orphan blood, too, is divine.

Review by Crimedog, January 2001