Nestlé Sno*Caps®

There is nothing of any nutritional merit whatsoever in Sno*Caps®, nothing that deserves to be put into the temple of your body. I even broke the sacred covenant that mandated Sno*Caps® only to be eaten in movie theaters, but that's how dedicated a reviewer I am. I'm willing to risk public shame, ostracization, and eternal damnation for the sake of the Loud Bassoon candy guide.

Oh, who am I kidding, I could hardly be more ostracized than I already am, and as for eternal damnation, I think on the basis of my reviews alone I am already a strong candidate for an assistant manager position in Hell. That's not even taking into account my murders.

If chocolate is my downfall, then Sno*Caps® is the first step on the staircase, mixed metaphor notwithstanding. Semi-sweet chocolate chips covered in white sugar sprinkles … it's like my moms always says: "Damn, homie!"

These are thoroughly delicious and make any movie significantly better than it actually is. A recent survey of film critics who cite Taxi Driver as the best movie of all time revealed that fully 7/8 of them were eating Sno*Caps® when they saw it (I conducted the research on this survey myself, in my own personal mind). This would account for the unexplainable consensus that Taxi Driver is even a good movie to begin with. As for the remaining 1/8, they were getting hand jobs instead of eating Sno*Caps®.

What is more unexplainable than the success of Taxi Driver is the conspicuous silence among candy lovers in acknowledging Sno*Caps®. Perhaps they walk away from a movie theater and forget it even exists. It is not for me to judge, only for me to say that Sno*Caps® rock the mic with all their might.

Points for being extra delicious, more points for being perfectly complementary to both popcorn and Sprite, and still further points for having perhaps the best packaging of any candy. Certainly the best font. And they're fuckin' cute too!

Review by La Fée