Marlboro 72 Menthol Blue

Before I started smoking, I never understood why there were so many different variations of cigarettes available – weren't they all just scratchy cancer sticks that tasted like sucking on the proverbial exhaust pipe? Lights, Ultra Lights, Menthols, Menthol Lights, Superslims … what's the f'n point in all that?

Of course, now that I can't go five seconds without a smoke, I see that this reasoning is much like dismissing rock music as a single, equally irrelevant assortment of meaningless bullshit. Sure, there are a lot of Broncos (Hoobastank, for example) and Newports (say, Five For Fighting) to be found, but the variations are understandable, and there are nuances that make the subgenres appealing based on personal taste.

And so it is that I, sadly, have a running roster of cigarettes I like, so that if a given pit-stop doesn't have my top choice, I always have a few alternates that will work. Hm, they're out of The Sundays? I guess I'll go with Belly. As long as I don't have to resort to Juliana Hatfield. Hm, perhaps I ought to dispense with the extended metaphor comparing alt-rock chick bands of the 90s with cigarettes … even I'm not sure just what I'm on about at this point.

The point I was meandering to is that Marlboro Blue 72s are my Sundays – the cigarette that stands out as hitting all the right buttons for me. I discovered them quite by accident one day by stopping into a liquor store that didn't have any of my top five standbys, and the proprietor asked if I wanted to try the new Marlboro "shortsmokes." Shortsmokes? Yes! I'm always one for novelty.

These are shorter than regular cigarettes, which seems to confuse everyone, from friends who bum them off me to the cashiers who sell them to me, all of whom see it as a bad value for the money. Why would you pay the same price to get less cancer? Well, I actually prefer the shorter ones – it makes my smoke breaks less tedious and/or more surreptitious, and ultimately, it's that much less deadly to smoke 'em. They're just as satisfying as a normal cigarette, just cuter.

The deep menthol taste is smooth and cool, not scratchy at all, just full-bodied and tasty. The only drawback is that because this is one variation too many for a typical cashier to keep track of, I end up having to describe what I want almost like I'm talking to a police sketch artist before they'll figure out which one I need. "The Marlboro Menthol Blues … no, not the big ones, the shorter ones … no, not the blue-and-white-ones, the blue-and-silver ones, the new ones. No, not the green-and-silver ones, the other ones – yeah, that's it!."

It's worth the hassle, though, just like when I was brutally raped and had to spend about two hours with a police sketch artist as he honed the sketch. What I didn't know was, the rapist turned out to be a rogue cop who managed to destroy the sketch and all of the evidence, so I had to wait until he raped me again to be able to get my justice. It was worth the hassle, though.

Review by Heidi Jewelry