Português Cigarros Filtro

The Portuguese seem intent on sadness, as indicated by the giant "Fumar Mata" ("To smoke, it kills") sticker plastered on the front of a pack of Português brand cigarettes. What a party pooper … it's like that time I was DJing a wedding and followed up "Y.M.C.A." with "Me and a Gun."

A friend of mine brought these back from Portugal, so I'm not sure whether there are smoother competing brands, or whether Portugal only has one state-run cigarette company (a la United States Cigarettes). I'm also not sure whether there are different flavors available, nor what flavor, if any, these are. They're pretty much like Marlboros, the ones in the tan-and-white box. Pretty scratchy, made for lifelong smokers instead of pack-a-day dabblers like myself. Holy shit, I smoke a pack a day? Hm, maybe the "dabbling" phase is long since over, and the "chemo" phase has yet to begin.

At any rate, my menthol-accustomed mouth finds these a bit too much like the kind of cigarette you trade as currency in prison, as opposed to something to complement a glass of champagne, or a hearty breakfast. Or perhaps the best possible context would be drinking a glass of porto in Porto, Portugal, while smoking Português.

Review by Marcy Mousey