Amy's Veggie Loaf

Technically it's called "Amy's Organic Vegetables & Grains Veggie Loaf Mashed Potatoes & Vegetables." Kind of a long name for a product, but it seems that all these vegan products have long names. Like "Dr. Tom's Pass the Catsup Soyfutti Corn Dogs," or "Home & Hearth Non-Dairy Mm-mm Good Protein Shake Vanilla & Carob Chips Lite." Or my own signature "Crimedog's Loud Bassoon Kill-the-Joke Faux-Futti Chicken Gumbo Loud Bassoon Style Over Nuts."

As frozen meals go, this veggie loaf dish is quite good. The loaf itself is a perfectly-formed slice of fake meatloaf in a thick gravy, the mashed potatoes are soft and mushy like I like 'em, and the peas and corn are crunchy like they oughtta be. The loaf has a real good taste and texture – not mealy, somewhat close to meat but a lot mushier. The gravy adds to the flavor with more flavor.

Though my microwave usually doubles the suggested cooking time, it don't take too long to get 'em all hot and bothered, as with the horny 14-year-old Latinas I frequently cruise as the local high school lets out. Though the edges of the loaf itself gets a little dry, like the uninspired punani of my wife, once herself a horny 14-year-old Latina, but now going on 40 and more interested in "nagging" than "fooling around."

Sure, Amy's Veggie Loaf is a frozen dinner, but I happen to like most frozen dinners. There's something so perfect about them, like nothing has been forgotten in design and execution. You've got a compact space and one mission: feed the consumer. I imagine that this is how virtually all meals are in Japan. I hope to go to Japan soon, because I'm tiring of Latinas.

Review by Crimedog