Gardenburger BBQ Chik'n

This new flavour from Gardenburger combines the health benefits of garden burgers with the tangy zest of delicious barbeque sauce. The excellent taste of this product, and the quality of the very concept, is/are severely marred by confusing heating instructions, and difficult packaging.

Each box contains two frozen toficken patties individually wrapped in a plastic baggie. The plastic baggies are very difficult to open, especially frustrating in this age of easy-access packaging for everything from hot meals to hot cocks.

Also, for those who prefer not to microwave, the options are boiling the packages for 20 minutes, or opening them frozen and heating in the toaster or oven for 30-40 minutes. Clearly, the only rational option is the zapping machine, and unfortunately getting "zapped" by this machine doesn't involve a pretty girl's skirt flapping up, or the high school principal finally getting his just desserts.


To microwave, the consumer must cut two slits in the plastic, which means that after four minutes of cooking, the sauce oozes from the slits, making a huge, sticky mess on the plastic, reminding me of the many, many virgins I have "zapped" over the years. They don't call me Crimedog for nothing.

The instructions recommend checking the center of the patties to see if they're cooked, but that means opening the packages. Do so at your own risk, good people, for it took me a minute each to open the plastic and squeeze out all the sauce, and what I got for my efforts was several burned fingertips and having literally ever square inch of my body covered in BBQ sauce literally head to toe. Then I had to heat the patties some more, and the sauce boiled and spattered inside the microwaverizer, causing additional stress and mess.

Finally, after all this, it took about 25 seconds to consume the patty. But it was tasty. I'm guessing after the third or fourth box of these, I'll have some kind of system. But will I even bother?

Review by Crimedog