Edy's® Dreamery™ – Chocolate Almond Bar

So far, I am not altogether blown away by the self-proclaimed surreal wonderland of Edy's® Dreamery™. It's a semi-successful stab at doing something new in the one-pint-serving ice cream arena, which is admittedly dominated by the tasty and politically satisfying offerings of Ben & Jerry's. How is a company like Edy's to compete? They sit around crying all day, going, "Whoa, we have good ice cream too. How can we get a piece of that fat baby action?"

Well, they've finally done something about it. (Wow, I just realized that I was making up this scenario entirely, and it took no time at all for me to buy into it myself.) The Dreamery™ line aims to fulfill your wildest subconscious desires for crazy ice cream flavors.

Well, not mine. I have NEVER in reality seen something as tempting as Whatchamacallit® Coconut Breastmilk Cranberry-Chocolate Jack Daniels Granola Crunch, as I did in that dream wherein I made frantic love to Lindsay Sloane and also drove a stake through the heart of a vampire praying mantis who was also somehow my high school track coach.

Dreamery™ flavors, but neither was all that mind-blowing, and neither made me wake up with a notably impressive erection.

Chocolate Almond Bar was serviceable if unmemorable. Chocolate ice cream with white and milk chocolate chunks, almonds, and caramel swirls. I mean, it's fine, but if I'm going to put this much fat in my body I may as well be blowing Louie Anderson. Which incidentally, I have, but not outside of my own little dreamery.

Review by Eulander Coxum