Soy Delicious™ Carob Peppermint

Long-time readers of this site will be intimately familiar with my hilarious dietary foibles: from my many unsuccessful attempts to stick to a committed Vegan lifestyle to my famous "lose 35 pounds while eating Ben & Jerry's and/or pizza several times a week" regimen. Recently I've decided to make another go at Veganism. So far, my diet has consisted predominantly of tangerines during the day, then potato chips and ice cream at night. And I have only fainted twice!

I have come to embrace products like Soy Delicious as a way to fend off my vampiristic cravings for Ben & Jerry's, which is not only 100% bad for you, but also not nearly as easy to rationalize politically as it used to be. "No honey, I am only eating it because they support farms that do not use bovine growth hormone. And that Panty Piss Party magazine I inadvertently left in the bathroom, well, I only read that for the articles. What, there's no articles in there? Well, then I only read it for the publishing information."

Now that Ben & Jerry's is owned by Unilever, a merger which has resulted in the strange products Cherry Chocolate Soap Chunk and Antibacterial Jubilee, I turn to companies like Turtle Mountain, who still follow the path. Their Soy Delicious line is great because they don't use corn syrup or any of those body-breaking toxins that a lot of even the eco-friendly companies do.

They've got it going on, to quote my first black boyfriend. Carob Peppermint has the distinction of seeming like an indulgently rich chocolate pint of pure fatass, but in fact being really low in fat and not loaded down with bad stuff.

As for the taste: something like chocolate gelato, not that convincingly like ice cream. That said, it fills so many of my other dietary and political concerns that the somewhat underwhelming taste is not the worst thing in the world.

I must say, it really isn't as much fun to polish off a pint of Soy Delicious in one sitting as it is to down a pint of, like, Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby. But with consciousness comes responsibility, just as with subscriptions to Panty Piss Party comes free videos.

Review by Eulander Coxum