 Erotic Drum Band As you probably can already guess, this music is neither erotic nor hot, and as far as I can tell does not feature real drums. The best way I can describe the sound is: imagine Mick Fleetwood and John McVie doing session work during the Tusk sessions with a German soccer team fronted by Biz Markie. It's the sort of 1980 album that can't decide whether to hold on tight to '79 or to dive into '80, so you have a lot of uninspired disco underpinning a lot of facile new wave arena rock. "Touch Me Where It's Hot" benefits from an annoyingly catchy pub-shout vocal hook, the closest cousin of which I can only think is "Tubthumper." This clunky little gem leads into "Dance In Your Pants," which sounds like what music would be if a new harmonic system were devised based on Biz Markie's vocal style. Really nauseating music. I could write a better song banging my forehead on a Casio keyboard with automatic chord fingering. "Pop Pop Shoo Wah" aims at a "Boogie Oogie Oogie" vibe but misses by one hundred million miles. It is the sort of trash that gives Eurodisco a bad name. (Well, apart from "Eurodisco" itself already being a bad name.) The album ends with "Everybody Get Dancin'" which manages to steal the melody from "You Should Be Dancin'" and yet still be unlistenable. It's the kind of thing Prince might improvise in concert and immediately forget about. The best thing I can say about it is that it is the shortest song on the album. Touch Me Where It's Hot is an album which I will always remember—as a waste of money. But then, I've wasted money on worse things, and at least I don't freebase cocaine like the bleary-eyed A&R guy who let this one get released.
Review by Early Williams |