Pounds Off – French Vanilla

This is one of the most unpleasant things I've ever put in my mouth, and that includes Lou Ferrigno's scaly shrimp dick. A meal-replacer drink in the vein of Slim Fast, Pounds Off is a sludgy mess that accomplishes its goal of helping you lose weight simply by being disgusting to drink.

Nothing like taking a swig of a beverage and suddenly having a sewage-like clump of unblended crud float into your mouth. Mmm-mmm, that's how I like my breakfast.

I really should switch to Carnation Instant Breakfast, just because drinking something called Pounds Off is so humiliating to begin with. The reality of it is that Instant Breakfast, Slim Fast, and Ensure are all the same product, marketed to different target audiences. But beware the sub-knockoffs … there doesn't seem to be much quality control in the "nutritional beverage" industry.

I drink 'em for convenience, mainly … certainly the irony of starting the day with a Pounds Off and ending it with a pizza is not lost on me. But this will be my last Pounds Off, no doubt. The only reason I even rate it as high as a one is just because French Vanilla is always worth something, in general.

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Lina Felix