Alone in the Dark (2005)
Directed by Uwe Boll
Written by Elan Matsai, Michael Roesch, & Peter Scheerer
Uwe Boll, director of House of the Dead, directing another video game movie?! And casting Christian Slater in one of his increasingly rare leading roles, as a paranormal investigator not even fit to sit in Robert Patrick's discarded director's chair, found next to a stinky dumpster in the back lot of Fox two days after "The X-Files" was finally canceled? And casting Tara Reid as an archaeologist?! Alone in the Dark looked like a complete winner to me.
Unfortunately, it was just fucking boring. I wanted to laugh derisively, goddamnit! I mean, Tara Reid as an archaeologist? How could they screw this shit up by making it not bad enough?!
By the way, wasn't Stephen Dorff supposed to get famous at some point? I give him five years before he wisely segues into a resurrected Dorff on Golf DVD series.
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Review by Slue J. Maternity |