 Lotawata Creek Southern Grill
As part of my occupation (dildo engineer), company reps often come to our office and try to sell their products to me and my co-workers, occasionally treating us to lunch at a local restaurant if they feel they have succeeded in getting us to use their products. Okay, they bribe us with food. And it doesn't work, usually, but I walk away with a full stomach. Walking away with a full stomach was not a problem at Lotawata Creek. If you're really hungry, and want something semi-nice, Lotawata is the place. The atmosphere is fine; it's a cross between Applebee's and a Mississippi Delta tavern. Or at least that's what they try to project. With gray-tinted timbers as beams and pillars, the southern feel is perfunctorily but successfully put across. Seating is plenty and very roomy, with large tables. It is a popular place, so seating does become limited.
The staff is fresh-faced and dressed straight outta the Gap. Wearing khakis and restaurant-provided polos, these college students smile often enough to make customers comfortable. The service itself is mediocre; they are understandably busy, but with the food you need a glass more full than they keep it.
The drinks are normal fare: the usual selection of draft and bottled beers, along with Pepsi products, and bonus points for having Dr. Slice. The large volume of drinks is necessary here, for the portions are just monstrous. The food itself is no big thing, similar to Applebee's and its brethren. However, the volume is something else entirely. Entrées come with two sides, sandwiches get one. I ordered the half-slab baby-back ribs with a side of fries and corn-on the-cob. The half order of baby back ribs was still a good 10 inches in length – much like The Surpriser, a dildo marketed by my company based on my initial design (it shoots non-dairy topping at irregular intervals). A full order is at least 20 inches in length – I haven't yet engineered a dildo that big, but if I do, I'll recommend us calling it The Giant Andre.
The corn-on the-cob was a normal half-ear of corn. The fries … well, the fries were a meal in themselves. Well-seasoned, not too crisp but not too soggy, the fries were a perfect complement for bar-b-que.
The prices are comparable to those at TGI Friday's and Applebee's. But to get the same amount of food at those two places, you'd have to order double. Seriously. It's a nice pre-movie date meal, or a pre-sporting event-guys-stuffing-themselves-silly before-inebriation. Or a particularly good place for reps to bribe me at. Hint, hint.
Review by Mario Speedwagon, August 1999 |