Sifers Valomilk

Sort of a bizarro world cross between Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and the Cadbury Crème Egg, Sifers Valomik bills itself as "The Original 'Flowing Center' Candy Cups." Although that slogan has unnecessarily menstrual connotations, the candy itself is quite good.

Milk chocolate cups filled with faux marshmallow filing. It's sticky like semen all over your hands, but tastes delicious. Not that semen doesn't – I don't want angry letters from the Eat Come Brigade.

Um, just who supposedly writes "angry letters" to a website? Well, hoo-ah. The packaging looks like it's from the 1910s, and I'm not sure if this is some retro fakery or the great comeback of a genuine old-school favorite.

This will probably be the last candy I ever eat, so I don't care to investigate any further. Of course, I keep saying "this is my last dairy product," and there I am three days later with a slice of pizza in one hand and a bottle of breast milk in the other. Well, this time it's going to stick, I swear it. Whoa, is that garlic bread? Lemme at it!

Review by La Ballerina