Tina Louise
It's Time For Tina (Tainted Records/Oglio 81598)

I'll spare you the "Who's hotter? Mary Ann or Ginger?!" routine in reviewing this smoky 1957 seduction-fest. Anyone who's entering into a conversation such as that ("Jeannie vs. Samantha!" "Fonz vs. the Six Million Dollar Man!") needs a brutal slap in the mouth, the kind that makes them drool blood out the side of their face.

Idiots. That said, Tina Louise's pre-"Gilligan" career as a singer has now been reissued, jumping on the lounge music/celebrity singing bandwagon about three years late.

Still, it's surely one of the better releases in that genre, more competent than Robert Mitchum's album, but lacking the individualistic flair of one by Telly Savalas.

Tina slinks her way through twelve sexy ballads, which form some sort of concept album about making sweet love. "Tonight is the Night," she states right off the bat, her "Hands Across the Table." Soon she's "Snuggled on Your Shoulder," you sweet "Embraceable You," whispering "I'm in the Mood For Love." The dialogue continues thusly:

"Baby, Won't You Say You Love Me?"

It's Been a Long Time."

"Hold Me." " I Wanna Be Loved."

"Let's Do It."

"How Long Has This Been Going On?!"

(Fill in your own moaning sound effects.)

"Good Night My Love."

The album is actually very consistent, tasteful martini-jazz. Tina's voice is a cut above Ann-Margaret's (the only other sexy redhead I can think of is Danny Kaye), but she's no Sarah Vaughan. Her vibrato can get a bit out-of-hand, but she remains stylish throughout without getting overdramatic.

And even though many of these songs are warhorses, none is lamentably tired in this context—they've all been done better by real singers, but this is fine mood music for romantic sex with drugged underage partners, or the grisly murder of your grandparents in their small farm house.

It's better than most of the lounge reissues to have come out recently, so much so that it's almost a very good album in its own right. But it's impossible to get over the fact that it's Tina Louise singing … there's no real reason you'd be listening to this if it were some no-name.

For fans of celebrity albums, this is a nice curio; other listeners without a hopeless nostalgia for the '50s might find it a bit of a lackluster affair.

Now I'll conclude my review with some mock-comedy: "Some THREE HOUR TOUR! What were they on that island for, like TEN YEARS?! What is the DEAL!" (Laugh track).

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Review by The Temptation